2016 was hurting. It was having my dreams crushed into pieces in front of me. It was being a disappointment, it was failing. 2016 was hurting, it’s crying myself to sleep and feeling like my heart is so full. It’s having my heart thumping so hard because of all the pain I have to bear. It’s feeling the pain of not living up to people’s expectation. It’s seeing people leave my life so easily and putting up with it because I should have known such a thing is inevitable. It’s feeling the ache on my heart because so many things aren’t going right.

2016 was healing. It’s learning to pick up the pieces and making up a bigger dreams instead. It’s going back and standing on my feet so I don’t disappoint people anymore and make them get surprised of what I became instead. It’s waking up with traces of tears and learning how to spend the rest of the day with a smile on my lips. It’s learning how to be at peace with the pain and normalizing the heartbeat. It’s trying my best to live up to what people want me to be. It’s being okay with people leaving, because new people will come to my life. It’s making new plans, healing, healing, healing. It’s learning to be at peace with my scars and my own battles. 2016 was healing.

2016 was heartbreaking. It was looking up on the sky trying to find reasons to go on. It was being left by a lot of good people and feeling them forgetting me. It was glowing dimly because some people who randomly came into your life outshines you. It was trying so hard to find out how to choose happiness over everything, because happiness doesn’t look like a choice anymore. It was creating goals and didn’t be able to achieve them. It was sobbing with no voice, on the other side of the door. It was being called smart and strong everyday but ended up alone every night. It was being not good enough and too much in the same time, and I just didn’t know how was I supposed to deal with it.

2016 was mending. It was being hugged so tight that all my broken pieces stick up together. It was having the people who would be there for you through the broken pieces, through every hopes and dreams. It was having the people who would hold me even if my insecurities are as sharp as knives. It was forgiving and forgetting. It was pursuing happiness because it started to come back. It was being told that everything is going to be okay. It was finding distractions. It was laughing until I got tears in my eyes. It was mending, mending the broken pieces of everything.

2016 was sadness. It was experiencing the same pain over and over again. It was doing something that didn’t make me happy. It was losing passion in something I’ve been doing for my whole life. It was being told by other people that I’m losing the passion, it’s literally the worst. It was leaving other people, even though leaving is better than being left. It was crying alone on the floor. It was being broken at 3 pm in the afternoon and the only person I had was myself. It’s hitting the bottom rock and sinking. It’s thinking it will get better today but it didn’t. It’s feeling like a failure over and over again everyday. It’s being disappointed because of my own selfishness. It’s seeing unfairness everywhere in the world, and how everybody acted like it was just fine. It’s being completely mad but couldn’t express it, so bottle it up inside. It was finding out that time didn’t heal everything. Some things don’t heal. It was sadness, it was blue.

2016 was happiness. It was making wonderful memories with the loved ones. It was trying to make the best with the time we have now. It was doing my best even though I know I’d probably fail anyway. It was smiling genuinely without faking anything. It was finding light in the darkest path. It was smiling on my phone over the smallest things. It was accepting and letting go. It was seeing people happy because of me. It was seeing someone proud of me. It was achieving a goal and didn’t fail. It was being able to get up in the morning and looking forward for the day. It was being completely hurt and bruised but still feeling sparkle of optimism excitement of everything. It was seeing the sun rising and realizing the beauty. It was witnessing a lot of beautiful skies. It was the falling confetti and smiles all over the world. It was full of happiness and joy.

2016 taught me so many things. It taught me how to be at peace with my own battles. It taught me how to heal, how to be okay again. It taught me how to deal with anything in the world even if not everything is going on according to my plans. 2016 taught me that it’s okay not to be okay. It taught me how to let go, to forgive, to forget. It taught me to be brave no matter how many times the world broke me into pieces. It taught me to have courage whatever happened. It taught me to speak up, because the words that will haunt me the most are the ones that I never said. It taught me to be okay, and the most important of all, it taught me how to love myself.

I don’t know what the future holds, but may 2017 be full of joy and happiness. May 2017 be a good year, and an amazing year.

December 31st 2016



They said, people look the most beautiful, they look the prettiest when they’re being strong. When they’re in the strongest part of their life, they look amazing. Captivating, astonishing. Maybe that’s why mother always looks pretty and beautiful. Maybe that’s why she’s always stunning and wonderful. Maybe that’s why she’s always seem dazzling and radiant, she’s always delicate and charming, maybe because she’s always strong.

She’s always putting on smile, and even when she’s mad, she puts on tons of love into it. Because she has strength flowing in her veins, that’s why looking beautiful is so natural to her. She gave us her love since we took our first breathe in this world, and until we grew up, and even until we die, those love will never stop flowing into us.

She’s going to stay with us through our saddest and our happiest moments. She’s going to give us her strength for the rest of her life. The strength for us to keep running. She stayed back, watching us shining, watching us growing, achieving a lot of achievements in our life. And she would smile behind us, telling us that she’s proud even though really, all that we are now, we owe it to our mother.

And that’s how she became so beautiful, that’s how she became so radiant and wonderful. Because she’s always strong, she’s strong for the rest of her life, and she shares her strength to her children.


Selamat Hari Ibu Nasional.

Allah’s Permission

Well, hi there.

So, hum, I want to talk about a verse in Qur’an. It’s in chapter 64, At Taghabun.

No disaster strikes except by permission of Allah. And whoever believes in Allah, He will guide his heart. And Allah is Knowing of all things. (64:11)

Have you ever had something bad happened to you, and you just wondered why is it happening to me? Why not anyone else? I used to think that good things will happen to good people, and bad things will happen to bad people. But that’s not always true. Bad things happen to good people too, and good things happen to the bad people too.

But one thing, those good and bad things happened with Allah’s permission. Especially the bad things. There’s no way something’d happen in this world without His permission. Big disasters, small disasters, everything is biidznillah. By permission of Allah. From volcanos to a little scratch on your hand, everything is by permission of Allah.

And Allah would never harm His believers. He loved us more than anything, why would He? Allah loves us, if not, we’d be dead by now. He gave us everything in this world, and sometimes when He gave us bad things, there must be something for us to take from it. There must be a lesson behind every disasters He sent us. There must be a good thing, no matter how small behind every bad things that happened to us.

And whoever believes in Allah, He will guide his heart. So, we just have to believe. When bad things happen, give in completely to Allah, and He’s the one who’s going to solve them for you. With the best resolutions. He will tell you the right thing to do, there’s no way He will lead you to the wrong path.

So don’t get discouraged when bad things happen. For all the good things, and of course, the bad things happened by Allah’s permission. And we’re just humans, we’re weaklings. Who are we supposed to trust except Allah? We just have to have faith in Him, trust that He will lead us to the right path, shiraatal mustaqiim, and He will guide our hearts, He will guide us to the right path.



Room 07

Everyone’s doing great? I want to share something here.

So, December 2nd 2016. The last day I will be a part of The British Institute Depok. I came here when I was in my third grade, 2o14. I got into New York Class, and my first teacher was Dunchan (frankly speaking I didn’t know how to spell his name until  5 months ago HEHE) who turned out to be the tallest teacher in TBI. He was very tall and he has a long hair and he’s a native, and he was such a fun teacher but I was amazingly scared of him at first HAHAHAH.

I spent my friday evenings at TBI. Lots of people come and go, and really, it was a lot of fun. I always had fun at TBI. The teachers, the people in my class are all so fun, I’m always looking forward for Friday evenings.

We were still in the kids level. As time goes by, it was my first day to go to class again after a long holiday because of eid and everything. Actually, because of National Exam, our class is in crisis. There are only 3 students left, one of them is currently in postpone. So 2 left. I was getting ready to go when my friend, Laras, sent me a direct message. Telling me that our class is closed, and that we’re moved to a new class. A class 6 levels higher than us.

At first, I was scared. I don’t like new environments. I don’t like to adapt to a new environment. It’s a hard work. But I went along with it anyway. First day, and the only people who came were me and Laras. Nice, where in the world is the real students of this class? And well, it turned out, this class is dying too, just like New York. This Class-Derby-is as dying as New York. They only have 2 students left and they barely come so, two dying classes combined.

I didn’t meet the real students until my fourth or my third meeting. One is a boy, one is a girl. Fajar and Dinar. Fajar is literally the loud student, the student that stress the teacher out, seriously. Meanwhile Dinar is kind of the shy one. I don’t think we will ever get along because I’m so bad at making new friends, until one day, a teacher called Mr. Arip was in charge of our class.

Mr. Arip paired me and Fajar, which is an idea that I didn’t really like because as I said earlier, I have difficulty in making new friends. And it was a bit hard at first because our personalities kind of crashed HAHAHA, but later we started to talk about books and voila! We bonded over books.

I made friends with Dinar soon after that. The four of us became a really good friends, and Fridays became even more amazing than before. We’re similar in so many ways. We’re all Directioners, and we’re all bookworms. So we talk about books, we talk about 1D, sing 1D songs on the break time, or just sit on the floor talking about unimportant things such as what happened at our school, crushes (HAHAHAHA), teachers, friends and basically everything. Oh and we share the same favorite teacher, Mr. Arip!


left to right: Laras, Ayasha, Fajar, Dinar

Being friends with Fajar, Dinar, and Laras were amazing. Our personalities crashed in so many ways. The four of us are just very different. Ican is the loud, rebellious kind of boy, Dinar is the quiet one, well she’s not that quiet though, but she’s like the loving one, Laras is the smart one, the enthusiastic one. But that crash just made something beautiful.

And finally the day where one of us had to leave come. And honestly, it’s not easy to be the one who leaves. Even though we only meet once a week, on top of that, we just knew each other for like couples of months. But it feels like I’ve been with them forever. They became a big part of my life and leaving means I’m leaving that part of me with them.

But life is full of goodbyes. And one thing that I learned is that, life is all about letting go. These memories I made with Fajar, with Dinar, with Laras, and with our teachers, everything, they’re going to be with me. Fajar, the loud but caring one, who would do anything for the others, who put others above him. Dinar, the one who always wants to steal Niall from me (hate you for this, Dee) but has the kindest one. Laras, who’s smart and hardworking, enthusiastic, and always cheerful. And this is how I will always remember them.


So I want to say thank you. Thank you for these last 5 months. It was magical. Never thought I would be able to meet such amazing people. If our paths ever crossed again in life, please remember me. Please take care of that part of me I left in your care. I would love to sing 1D songs with you guys again, fangirling about Mr. Arip and the other teachers, talking about books, sitting on the floor talking about nothing, everything. It was a great pleasure to meet you. Ouch, I’m tearing up. I’ll miss studying with you, even though we never actually “study”.

Last but not least, I would like to say thank you to all the teachers who taught me since I got into TBI on 2013 until now. I had lots of teachers here, and I won’t be able to mention all the names. But you were all amazing. I was just a little 8 years old girl, who wasn’t able to go to the front of the class and talk, especially in English, and now I’m able to write this. Thank you.


the whole class ft. Mr Arip 😀 

So well, guys, see you very soon. And good luck with everything!





On one side of the world, it’s one cold month. Snowflakes falling from the sky, and the snow whitens the roads. People wore their thickest sweaters and scarves. Kids playing snowball fights. Hot coffees in the morning. Snowman and all the carrots that are used for their noses. 6 pm and it’s already dark.

On another side of the world, it’s just like another day. Will get a bit more rainy, I guess. Umbrellas, lots of colors. The puddles, the wet air in the morning. Hot chocolates and a book. Afternoons that are not hot, running in the rain. Rainy morning, always a good idea to bring an umbrella.

It’s the last month of the year. The last chance to make this year remarkable. The last month to make this year your year. And December, for me, it’s always a chance to look back to everything that happened this year. People who came, people who left, dreams that came true and the dreams that didn’t. Wishes that were granted and the wishes that weren’t, places we visited, places we left.


It’s the last month of the year. The month we should fill with joy and happiness. Why? Because it’s our last chance to make some happy memories for this year. With the people we loved, the places we enjoyed, the things we liked to do.

December and the beauty it brought.

You almost get through 2016.

Hang in there.

December 1st 2016

Karena Guru

Menjadi guru bukanlah pengorbanan. Menjadi guru adalah sebuah kehormatan.

Personally speaking, Ayasha gapernah punya cita-cita jadi guru. Karena Ayasha not good with children. Pokoknya ga akan bisa ngehandle anak-anak, apalagi anak SD. Beuh, kasian muridnya lah, HAHAHA. Pokoknya ga cinta anak-anak banget gitu, jadi dari kecil nggak pernah punya cita-cita jadi guru. Tapi karena Ayasha payah sama anak kecil, dan Ayasha sendiri sebagai seorang bocah itu rusuhnya minta ampun, Ayasha look up ke guru-guru Ayasha.

Beliau-beliau ngajarin kami dari yang gak tahu jadi tahu, dari yang “apaan sih” jadi ngerti. Sabar bener, sedikit demi sedikit, yang penting kitanya ngerti. Meanwhile Ayasha paling ga bisa ngajarin orang dikit-dikit, gak sabaran *cries*. Tapi guru-guru Ayasha kayaknya sabar banget. Padahal kadang-kadang muridnya nyebelin minta ampun, ga kadang-kadang kali ya malahan HAHAHA.

Mana udah gitu murid-muridnya rusuh lagi. Sekolah udah kayak pasar, sebelas dua belas lah. Sumpah, penasaran gimana caranya beliau-beliau bertahan sama kami yang berisiknya ngalahin toa masjid. Just how do they put up with their rusuh students? Stok kesabarannya sebanyak apa? :’)

Belum lagi murid-murid yang bebal. Ngeyel aja kerjaannya. Disuruh ngerjain tugas  tepat waktu tetep aja telat. Disuruh bawa buku tulis yang bener tetep aja lupa. Dikasih tau yang bener tetep aja ngelenceng. Udah kayak gitu aja masih ngajarin sepenuh hati, slowly but steadily, sampe kami mempunyai bekal yang cukup untuk menjadi manusia yang berguna di masa depan.

Para guru adalah pahlawan tanpa tanda jasa. Mereka tidak diberikan gelar pahlawan nasional, pahlawan revolusi, atau apapun. Tapi apalah jadinya jika tidak ada guru di dunia? Generasi-generasi baru tidak memiliki bekal apapun untuk melanjutkan generasi selanjutnya. Bahkan tak akan bisa membaca dan menulis. Sebesar itulah peran seorang guru dalam kehidupan manusia.

Mereka adalah pahlawan generasinya masing-masing. Mereka membangun generasinya menjadi generasi yang kuat untuk menjadi penerusnya, memupuk biji-biji kebaikan yang sudah mereka tanam, yang nantinya akan menjadi bekal di masa depan.

Sungguh, mau jadi apa kita tanpa mereka?

Karena dunia ini memiliki orang-orang yang berprofesi sebagai guru, dunia ini menjadi tempat yang baik seperti sekarang ini. Karena mereka adalah pelita dalam kegelapan. Orang-orang yang menerangi jalan-jalan kita. Meneranginya dengan ilmu, meneranginya dengan pengetahuan. Mereka adalah embun penyejuk dalam kehausan. Karena kita semua haus akan ilmu, dan karena kita memiliki guru, kita bisa mengatasi kehausan rasa ingin tahu tersebut.

Dan mereka adalah patriot pahlawan bangsa tanpa tanda jasa. Untuk segala keringat yang menetes dalam upaya mengajarkan kami yang bebal ini, terimakasih banyak.


Hari Guru Nasional, SMP Homeschooling Kak Seto

Dalam rangka peringatan Hari Guru Nasional, 25 November 2016.

Writing and I

For me, writing is the only thing I can hold onto in this cruel world.

How do I survive? How do I recover from lots of unpleasant things that happened in my life? I write. I failed a test. I write. I lost something. I write. I made mistakes. I write. People hate me. I write. I lost my friend. I write. My parents get mad at me. I write. I fought with my siblings. I write. I got sad. I write.

My own words saved me. At the times when I feel like the entire world is against me, my own words saved me. I used my words to write the darkest thought I’ve ever had, the worst feelings I’ve ever felt, and words always do their job properly. When I write, I feel like, at least, I have my words with me. I’m not alone. These pens and these papers, they’re with me.

They say writers see beauty in everything. But what kind of beauty did they mean? Is it seeing the world in monochrome, or seeing a big battlefield with enemies coming from the other side of the fields and realizing we’re standing there alone, or just how we, as writers, used words to make all the sad and heartbreaking things in this world beautiful? That’s the point. Writers don’t see beauty in everything. They just use their words to make everything beautiful.

Personally, I write the best pieces when I’m not in my happy mode. My wounds bleed words, and they just make them even more beautiful than ever. And that’s how I get through everything. Conan said, “Words are like swords. If you use them the wrong way, they can turn into ugly weapon.” And yes, people’s words hurt me. Stabbed me, slashed my soul, broke them into tons of pieces.

But with my own words, I put them back together. I put them back together to where they used to be, and I stand up again. I stand up, and I’m even stronger than before. Because of words, I can get stronger and stronger every time.

Words are my swords.

In order to celebrate medinaayasha.wordpress.com’s 6th Anniversary. November 16th 2010-November 16th 2016.