2016 was hurting. It was having my dreams crushed into pieces in front of me. It was being a disappointment, it was failing. 2016 was hurting, it’s crying myself to sleep and feeling like my heart is so full. It’s having my heart thumping so hard because of all the pain I have to bear. It’s feeling the pain of not living up to people’s expectation. It’s seeing people leave my life so easily and putting up with it because I should have known such a thing is inevitable. It’s feeling the ache on my heart because so many things aren’t going right.
2016 was healing. It’s learning to pick up the pieces and making up a bigger dreams instead. It’s going back and standing on my feet so I don’t disappoint people anymore and make them get surprised of what I became instead. It’s waking up with traces of tears and learning how to spend the rest of the day with a smile on my lips. It’s learning how to be at peace with the pain and normalizing the heartbeat. It’s trying my best to live up to what people want me to be. It’s being okay with people leaving, because new people will come to my life. It’s making new plans, healing, healing, healing. It’s learning to be at peace with my scars and my own battles. 2016 was healing.
2016 was heartbreaking. It was looking up on the sky trying to find reasons to go on. It was being left by a lot of good people and feeling them forgetting me. It was glowing dimly because some people who randomly came into your life outshines you. It was trying so hard to find out how to choose happiness over everything, because happiness doesn’t look like a choice anymore. It was creating goals and didn’t be able to achieve them. It was sobbing with no voice, on the other side of the door. It was being called smart and strong everyday but ended up alone every night. It was being not good enough and too much in the same time, and I just didn’t know how was I supposed to deal with it.
2016 was mending. It was being hugged so tight that all my broken pieces stick up together. It was having the people who would be there for you through the broken pieces, through every hopes and dreams. It was having the people who would hold me even if my insecurities are as sharp as knives. It was forgiving and forgetting. It was pursuing happiness because it started to come back. It was being told that everything is going to be okay. It was finding distractions. It was laughing until I got tears in my eyes. It was mending, mending the broken pieces of everything.
2016 was sadness. It was experiencing the same pain over and over again. It was doing something that didn’t make me happy. It was losing passion in something I’ve been doing for my whole life. It was being told by other people that I’m losing the passion, it’s literally the worst. It was leaving other people, even though leaving is better than being left. It was crying alone on the floor. It was being broken at 3 pm in the afternoon and the only person I had was myself. It’s hitting the bottom rock and sinking. It’s thinking it will get better today but it didn’t. It’s feeling like a failure over and over again everyday. It’s being disappointed because of my own selfishness. It’s seeing unfairness everywhere in the world, and how everybody acted like it was just fine. It’s being completely mad but couldn’t express it, so bottle it up inside. It was finding out that time didn’t heal everything. Some things don’t heal. It was sadness, it was blue.
2016 was happiness. It was making wonderful memories with the loved ones. It was trying to make the best with the time we have now. It was doing my best even though I know I’d probably fail anyway. It was smiling genuinely without faking anything. It was finding light in the darkest path. It was smiling on my phone over the smallest things. It was accepting and letting go. It was seeing people happy because of me. It was seeing someone proud of me. It was achieving a goal and didn’t fail. It was being able to get up in the morning and looking forward for the day. It was being completely hurt and bruised but still feeling sparkle of optimism excitement of everything. It was seeing the sun rising and realizing the beauty. It was witnessing a lot of beautiful skies. It was the falling confetti and smiles all over the world. It was full of happiness and joy.
2016 taught me so many things. It taught me how to be at peace with my own battles. It taught me how to heal, how to be okay again. It taught me how to deal with anything in the world even if not everything is going on according to my plans. 2016 taught me that it’s okay not to be okay. It taught me how to let go, to forgive, to forget. It taught me to be brave no matter how many times the world broke me into pieces. It taught me to have courage whatever happened. It taught me to speak up, because the words that will haunt me the most are the ones that I never said. It taught me to be okay, and the most important of all, it taught me how to love myself.
I don’t know what the future holds, but may 2017 be full of joy and happiness. May 2017 be a good year, and an amazing year.
December 31st 2016